The Radio Murders - The Radio Murders

Saturday was one of those days. If you are lucky enough to be a care giver for the elderly, then you’ll know exactly what I’ll relate here.

Monika and I have been in that role in varying degrees since the early 90’s. It started with an aunt and uncle, both of whom were stricken with cancer. They had an apartment three floors below where we lived. At the time we were also watching after my mom, Mary Collins. Mom was in fairly good health and just needed company and help around a very large apartment. Aunt Jinx and Uncle Wayman, on the other hand, were in pretty bad shape.

Always fiercely independent, the breast cancer and throat cancer were the heartbreaking side of well-deserved retirements. It was a shock to both, even though Unc smoked and drank with the best of them and Aunt Jinxie lived with second have smoke for over 40 years. It was a long and difficult time for both of them. There were a few miracles, too, but it all ended quietly in care facilities about a year apart.

We learned a lot about the strength of the human spirit and the power of love. It can overcome almost anything, except death.

Mom moved with us to a nice house in a town midway between the jobs Monika and I held. My wife traveled north and I traveled south every morning. Mom had her breakfast on the table and was capable of taking care of the necessities. She had diabetes and Parkinson’s Disease, but that only slowed her a bit. In time, though, even a rock of a woman like Mary Collins will start to fail.

It was heartbreaking and eye opening to watch this special woman give in to the disease and old age. She was suffering, without question, but she remained dignified and brave, “taking what God sends me.” Mom seemed to have a keen sense of a greater universal good. She left us in 2005, but she is with us always.

Next in a long line of elder dependents were Monika’s mom and her husband. We tried our best to help them from a distance. They lived in Florida until Danny passed away in early in 2008. That’s when we became a household of two generations once again.

Omi has bad knees, a un-cooperative quadrant of her heart and thyroid disease and sometimes a bad attitude. I love my mother-in-law, but she is the type who has a very narrow world view. Not like my mother who seemed comfortable from 50,000 feet up.

Yesterday Omi was in distress, gastric distress and other severe pain. It can mean extremes, and it did. Most of the day she spent in the bathroom with no success at all. She alternately cried out in pain and sat quietly, waiting. We were moments away from calling the Emergency Medical Transport several times. After working to try and find some relief, and using reasonable methods (and some not so pleasant at all) things started moving...and moving and moving.

Here comes the night. It had to be one of the most unpleasant Saturday nights I can remember. I will leave the details to your imagination, but by 1:30 we got Omi cleaned up and in bed. It was not over. At 4am Monika had to breakdown everything again.

As time goes on, more of us will be faced with a choice. Most of us will not like the options. I’d like to say most will make the right decision and care for the generation who cared for us. But with days like Saturday, there is one thing I can tell you. First, it takes both of us to get through some of the tougher times. And secondly it takes at least the love they showed us when we needed them most.